Affair Detector

Francis K Githinji asked:

Love has many dimensions and sometimes it is full of surprises and intrigues. The power and force of love and attraction can sometimes be completely illogical, unimaginably unfair, unusually cruel and completely beyond comprehension. They are just fascinating love facts which will make you know that falling in love is the next best thing for you. It induces an effect that is calming to the body and mind. The effect is so significant that in a duration of close to one year, the nerve growth levels are raised more than any other time. This improves the memory of a lover and the nervous system is restored. It is in love that cravings are manufactured. Viewing photographs of the one you love activates the caudate, the section of the brain that triggers cravings. This was revealed through a brain scan.

Instead of banning office affairs, a commission should be formed to investigate why romances in the office are so common. The greatest love predictor of all times is proximity. It is one factor that has stood the test of time and can reliably be used to predict a relationship. This is because familiarity with a person breeds a lot of comfort to say the least. Comfort on the other hand breeds fondness and closeness. Remember it is in the office and the best recipe for romance is closeness. It is a futile attempt therefore to try and clamp down on office romance. However, a majority of women would actually decline a first date that they know would get intimate, passionate and boil down to sex. Not because that they don’t like it, but because they haven’t shaved their underarms and legs. These are just fascinating love facts.

Some things are hard and difficult to comprehend. In a span of a long period after getting dumped, you continue loving that person who dumped and rejected you even more. It is the time that you miss this person like never before. The love and affection at this particular time is just overwhelming. This are fascinating love facts because it is the only time or stage in your now broken relationship that you feel completely in love. When you are in a happy and fulfilling relationship, some regions of the brain lit up. These regions are not disabled immediately the relationship ends. They continue to be active. If you are a man and you would like to avoid being dumped, marry a Tiwi woman. This amazing tribe of the south pacific marry their women at birth. Be there when you are still young enough man and she will be forever yours.

Are you doubting your partner of being dishonest with you? Worry no more, use a ‘love detector’ on your lover to establish the truth. The service from a prominent cell phone operator from Korea is able to use a form of technology with a capacity of analyzing various patterns of voice. The service is able to establish whether a lovers voice is tinged with affection or is speaking honestly. They are fascinating love facts that help you get to the in depth truth of the matter.

John Mann asked:

There are a lot of different signs that will become “visible” if your wife is cheating on you. Not all will need be present, mind you, but a number of these clues are gonna be there.

I’m a 56 year old guy who has been around awhile. I’ve “been there – done that” if you will and I can tell you from experience that the signs are going to be there if she is, in fact, cheating on you. You just won’t want to see them if you’re still in love with the lady.

You’re might possibly be blinded by your feelings for her and be in a state of denial that you’ll remain in until the evidence is just too great to ignore.

The thing you absolutely have to realize is that if something doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t mean you’re paranoid. People do stray … unfortunately, it can happen to you. If you feel suspicious, just make yourself open your eyes and look hard to see that true facts.

Is she more secretive than she used to be? Maybe she isn’t sharing the details of her daily life with you anymore because she’s got something to hide.

Does she go out with her friends more often than she used to? This could obviously be a cover-up for the time she’s spending with your replacement.

Does she seem to need you less? Maybe she just doesn’t need your help or input like she used to because she’s getting what she needs elsewhere.

Is she dressing nicer? Maybe someone else is appreciating her more or she just wants to look better for her new love.

Is she being nicer to you but in a way that seems out of character or rehearsed? She could quite possibly be feeling guilty and covering it up with a “veneer of nice” towards you.

All of these can be symptoms of the signs of a cheating wife.

Kathy J. asked:
Acknowledging The Correlation between The Law of Attraction And Relationship Issues: The law of attraction states that we are the creator of our world through the power of our thoughts. The thoughts we focus on set the intention of what we desire. Our feelings provide the creative fuel enabling us to draw it into our lives. With the combined power of our thoughts and feelings we draw into our experience that which best matches our perspective.

Admittedly, there are many who have a hard time swallowing this notion of the law of attraction as a “bunch of hooey”. Still despite any resistance to the notion – evidence of it exists throughout your life. Overcoming this resistance is vital. Understanding this correlation between the law of attraction and relationship issues is essential if you wish to turn things around.

The Law of Attraction and Relationship Issues – “Recognizing The Correlation”: Just what is the nature of the correlation between the law of attraction and relationship issues? The answer to this question comes as you take time to examine the nature of your self talk, and personal self-fulfilling prophecies. More importantly, a vital first step to take prior to this is learning to heal your heartache, and manage your emotions effectively. Once you understand the relationship in terms of the thoughts and feelings that comprise your perspective, you’ve empowered yourself with valuable insights to turn things around. Just stop a minute and ask yourself these questions:

Are you willing to accept that your thoughts are acting as a perceptive filter that predefine your understanding of things? What is your ego not allowing to see? What is it about accepting responsibility for your role in the relationship that turns you off? Are you willing to admit that maybe the emotions overwhelming you impede your ability to see clearly? How would you characterize the nature of your relationship with your emotions? Who’s in control – you or your emotions? Do you think it’s possible your inability to see clearly might cause you to act in ways to perpetuate the relationship issues? What about the possibility that you’re unknowingly perpetuating things as they currently are without realizing it? What if the solution you seek is outside your vision just beyond your unwillingness to accept yourself as ultimate explanation for “what is”?

Keep in mind, excluding your partner’s point of view – (irregardless of how valid your feelings are) – only hurts yourself. Despite how justified you feel you are, you need to remember you only have a partial understanding of what is going on. You cannot effectively deal with the relationship issues at hand until you have a complete picture of things.

The Law of Attraction and Relationship Issues – “An Empowering Understanding To Turn Your Relationship Issues Around”: The key to begin utilizing the power of the law of attraction, is to take the time and step back in your relationship. It’s crucial every so often you play “Devil’s Advocate” and ask yourself how you’re being in your relationship.
In the midst of your emotions what concerns and issues are on the forefront of your mind? What emotions overwhelm you as you focus on those issues? In the midst of these emotions are you willing to admit your focus is promoting your point of view so your partner can see your point. So what are you missing? What is it you’ve overlooked? The answer to this question is key if you desire to really understand the correlation between the law of attraction and relationship issues
Law of Attraction and Relationship Issues – “Utilizing Key Insights To Begin Turning Things Around”: By accepting the fact that you draw in your life experiences with your thoughts, you’ve empowered yourself to grow beyond your relationship issues. Understanding the correlation between the law of attraction and relationship issues is empowering. You will be able to step outside the victim role you’re playing. You will developed an renewed understanding of yourself as the creator of your reality. With this understanding comes the realization of your own personal power to turn things around. Try and keep this in mind: Just beyond the relationship issues and emotional turmoil overwhelming you, is the loving relationship you desire. The only thing standing in your way is your unwillingness to make a connection between the law of attraction and your relationship issues.

Peter Davids asked:

Why should a man go outside to get what he already has at home? This is very strange but a very true paradox in our society today. A man has a wife at home, but rather than have sex with her, he prefers to go outside to sleep with a prostitute or a girlfriend. What a great paradox of life.

But on a closer look, there are reasons or factors why a man behaves this way. I am not trying to hold brief for any man, neither am I justifying affairs by men. However, I think more women should look at these issues:

1. Are you making sex an enjoyable act for him or just an endurable act? Is your man enjoying you the way he should or you both endure each other during sex? Your man wants you to be a different woman with him every time.

We all hate routine activities. When sex loses its’ creative edge, it loses its’ appeal to your man too. Routine sex is not going to get you both anywhere. You need to introduce new ideas into your sex life to spice it up.

2. Are you giving him peace of mind at home or nagging him? Many men readily confess that they pay a call girl, who gives them good sex without any strings attached or any hassles. It’s unlike their wife at home who always has one complaint or the other and nags them almost always.

Not that the men are perfect or excusable, especially when they neglect their duties at home. But the atmosphere in the house has a lot to do with whether a man has an affair or not.

3. Are you heartily discussing with him or is there a gap now in your relationship? Once there is a gap in communication between the two of you, it provides an avenue for an affair to become feasible.

You need to ensure that you and your man engage in a heart to heart talk regularly. That’s the way to make sure that he still matters a lot to you and to keep his interest in you.

How would you like to be the person who always has a great time in bed? The people you admire for their great sex life have secret methods and products that they use to their great advantage.

Gillian Reynolds asked:

The Internet has made it all too easy to have an affair. All anyone has to do is hop online, begin a chat and they can make a connection. Many online love affairs begin innocently enough. Two people may meet in a games room or they may belong to the same forum. Sparks fly between them and suddenly they are feeling real emotions for one another. One of the drawbacks to this type of relationship is that some of the people engaging in them aren’t single and available. Married men and women are taking part in illicit affairs via the Internet. If you believe this is happening in your marriage, you need to be aware of how to catch online cheaters so you and your spouse can deal with their infidelity.

One of the easiest ways to catch online cheaters is to check their online activity. You can do this if they utilize the computer at home to chat and email their online love. If they haven’t cleared their browser history after surfing, this can be very telling. Check for any sites that may be related to their online relationship including matchmaking sites. Ironically many of the people who use matchmaking sites to make love connections are actually already married. If you do find a site like this, you may even be fortunate enough to stumble on your husband or wife’s online dating profile.

Email can also be a treasure trove of information when you are looking for evidence of an affair. Many email programs are set up to automatically connect. The password is saved so as soon as you log on, all messages are displayed. You can easily catch online cheaters via this route. Read any suspicious emails and jot down the email address of their online lover. This can be used if you decide to confront them at some point in the future.

It’s also good to take notice of how much time your spouse is actually spending online. For someone who feels strongly for a man or woman they’ve met online, they may suddenly become computer obsessed. Some warning signs of an adulterous online love affair include spending time online during the late evening and into the night and also frequently checking emails.

In many cases the affair will progress to telephone calls. You can catch online cheaters by viewing their cell phone bill. It’s rare for anyone who is having an Internet affair to use their home telephone to talk to their online lover. They will typically use their cell phone to keep any suspicion down. If you have access to their cell phone invoice each month, note all the numbers they are calling as well as the numbers that frequently call them. This will give you some insight into who they are talking with.

Ruth Purple asked:
So you strike up a friendship with another man through email, chat, text, or at the workplace, talking by the water cooler at break time. You don’t think there’s anything wrong with opening up and sharing intimate details about your life with this person even though you are married. You think that for as long as no sex is involved, it shouldn’t be suspect. Well, think again. You’re committing what is called Emotional Infidelity and, frankly, it’s hardly benign. First of all, cheating in any form is a clear indication of trouble in your marriage. Left unresolved, it may lead to more serious complications, including separation or divorce.

When you seek the company of another person other than your spouse, you are in effect trying to patch up holes in your marriage-holes that you refuse to admit are there or you ignore because it’s the easiest thing to do. Perhaps your husband works overtime a lot, or he travels out-of-town frequently, and you feel he’s inaccessible. You don’t talk as much as you did before, and even when you do, communication is not achieved. However, this shouldn’t stop you from trying harder. You’re still better off investing more time in your long-term commitment rather than fritter time away with another man.

You may not realize this, but emotional infidelity is far more binding and complicated than a physical affair. You know as well as everyone else that sex can happen without warning between two emotionally unattached–if not inebriated–people, but the sharing of thoughts and feelings require a deeper connection that’s not easily set aside or forgotten. And this is why emotional cheating is injurious to any relationship. In the beginning, it could be a fun, flirty diversion, but one that can quickly escalate to a full-blown affair that puts your marriage in great danger of collapsing. In addition, physical intimacy has been redefined with the advent of the Internet.

It is no longer confined to the bedroom, skin-to-skin; it can now be consummated with the use of technology. Though a lot of people may scoff at cybersex as laughable or absurd, in truth, it takes emotional infidelity to a whole new level, and a more sophisticated one at that. Cybersex makes it possible for a married person to be intimate with someone right in the home without having to pay for a hotel room or even dinner! Sadly, because it is convenient and almost guilt-free (again, there is no physical consummation), a growing number of spouses are succumbing to it.

Don’t fool yourself into believing that sharing secrets or discussing aspirations with a co-worker of the opposite sex is absolutely harmless; it is so easy to forget boundaries when you’re having a good time. If you feel you’re about to embark on uncharted territory, or when you start feeling a growing attraction for your so-called friend, take a moment to consider how this works around your marital status. Ask yourself the question: Can I be honest with my spouse about this friendship I have outside of our marriage? If the answer is no, then you probably have a Pandora’s Box-get rid of it quickly.

Emotional infidelity undermines trust and respect in a marriage. Instead of trying to find a proxy spouse, try rekindling the friendship from which your marriage began. Validate your love for him or her even as you avoid forging personal relationships outside your long-term commitment. Recognize that there’s a great friendship to be enjoyed with your Significant Other that you can’t get anywhere else.

Seeta Dean asked:

I often get emails from frustrated women who tell me that they know that their boyfriends or husbands had or are having an affair. However, despite confronting them with your suspicions, outlining how things just aren’t adding up, and sometimes even offering up proof, the men will often continue to lie or deny that anything is wrong. They’ll call you paranoid, they’ll get angry at your accusations, and sometimes, they will even threaten that your bugging them is actually going to drive them to an affair, but the bottom line is that they’ll continue to deny even though you know in your heart that you are right. In the following article, I’ll go over why men often will never admit to an affair (statistically, only 7% ever do so) and will tell you a few tactics to try to force his hand.

Why Most Men Will Continue To Deny An Affair Until They Are Caught Red Handed: I often get men who stumble upon my site looking for tips on how to reconcile with their wives or girlfriends after they are caught cheating. Many are quite honest with me about their intentions and how they were able to compartmentalize the cheating and their relationship and could separate the two.

Many of them are not in love with the other woman. They don’t intend for the affair to be a permanent thing. They don’t think that you will ever find out. And, they don’t want to hurt you. So, their doing whatever it takes to keep you from learning the truth is in their twisted logic their way of sparring you pain and their way of seeing this through without any one needing to get hurt.

I am not defending them in the least, but I believe that it helps to know what they are thinking so that you can counter it. Men often cheat because of what is going on with them, not because of what is going on with you. They are insecure, bored with themselves, or feeling insufficient in some way. They need to feel in control, valuable and worthy. They want to know that they can make someone deliriously happy.

Typically “the other woman” was merely in the right place at the right time. Many men do not intend to cheat when the affair happens. They don’t wake up in the morning thinking “OK, let me go and cheat today.” Instead, what happens is gradual. A subtle shift occurs and generally the contact is emotional before it is physical. Most people don’t believe this, but it is true. This is why sometimes the mistress is not nearly as attractive as the wife or girlfriend. It’s not all about sex. It’s about the mistress or other person’s ability to make him feel important and competent.

In all actuality, this says a lot about him as a person. He knows that this is pretty weak and sad. He doesn’t want to admit this to you. He doesn’t want to expose this weakness and vulnerability. So, he will keep right on denying, keep right on telling you that you’re being paranoid, until this thing ends and, he hopes, everything can go right back to being “normal.”

Forcing His Hand: In truth, most men will not admit to cheating until the evidence is so overwhelming that they can’t deny it or they are caught in the act. So, most times, your choices are often between these two options. Some women just can not bare the thought of catching their husband and boyfriend. They would much rather that he admit to it himself.

If this is how you feel, one option would be coming up with evidence and proof and then having a friend confront him. Have the friend present the evidence and then tell him that if he doesn’t tell you, she / he is going to. Once he realizes that you are going to find out either way, he’ll likely come clean.

What evidence do I mean? There are a lot of options. Almost all cheaters leave Internet and cell phone trails, even if they think they’ve deleted everything. There is no such thing as a perfect affair. The clue are always there. You just need to know where to look for them.

Ed Opperman asked:

Do you suspect someone you love is having an Internet affair? Whether they are on a dating site, swinger site, a social network like MySpace or Facebook you can find them. Even if they are using a secret email account to visit escort service sites or porn cam sites every detail can be revealed.

You may wonder how something like that is possible. After all isn’t the world wide web considered the modern equivalent of the wild wild west ? Not really. In fact every single keystroke a person makes on their key board is digitally recorded and stored ion their computer hard drive.

A private investigator trained in digital forensics and Internet investigations can not online perform a forensic examination of the computer hard drive to reveal infidelity. They can do an online investigation from thousands of miles away that can uncover all of your spouses unfaithful activities.

They don’t don’t need to use any ilegal hacking or cracking methods or download any software to your computer. All they need is the email address of the person you suspect is cheating and they can crawl all of the online personal ad sites until they find that email registered with a membership. The exact same technique is used for porn sites, swinger sites, escort services and the rest mentioned above.

It’s very simple and fast. You can have all your suspicions either confirmed or releaved in just a few hours and for less that the price of a fancy dinner out.

There are many Internet investigation companies that can offer these services but before you hire one be sure to Google them and see if they are recognized as an expert in the field of online infidelity investigations.

Mimi Tanner asked:

Question: How do you handle a cheating husband or boyfriend?
Answer: You use principles that apply to every relationship situation.

Here’s a recent letter from one of my readers (I’ll change her name to “Sweetheart”):

Dear Mimi,

What do you do when your husband does not stop cheating? I left him for six months, and served him with divorce papers. He begged me not to divorce him. After some time of thinking how much I do love him, I came back. Then he was once again on the internet and staying out late at night, telling me that he is out with friends. I know the truth.

I am not going to leave the marriage again, and neither is he, but I want respect and my marriage back. There must be another way.

Please help.

–Sweetheart

Dear Sweetheart,

I probably should not advise you here, because only you can make the decision, and from what I read in your letter, it sounds like you plan to stay no matter what. About respect, a lot of it is what you will tolerate. People don’t really want to get away with treating someone else badly. They don’t feel good about themselves and they end up resenting the person who lets themself be treated badly. Life is short, and there are hundreds of men waiting for a woman to love. Not to mention the fact that it’s pretty nice to live without a man in your life. Don’t close off your options.

If you are ‘determined’ to stay with a cheater (something I think you should reconsider), then you might try treating him differently – I would not act victimized by the cheating. Act like you have your own world and are happy – and that you know he is cheating. He’ll wonder why his outrageous actions don’t bother you. That is a starting point.

Blessings to you, Sweetheart, and I wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Mimi Tanner

Dear Mimi,

I am trying to live my life. I would like to know how I can work with what I have. According to the articles I have read by Cucan Pemo, it said not to confront the cheating husband or try to pull him away from the cheating. Actions speak louder than words.
Tell me if this is true.

–Sweetheart

Hi, Sweetheart,

I have to agree with that. If you try to pull him away from the cheating, then he will only go for it more. Human nature. That cheating will be old and cheap and trashy eventually and it has no soul and can’t bring him any joy in the long run. So maybe one way to look at it is to let him be his own worst enemy there – until he finally realizes that it leads to nowhere.

I know some people can’t be cured of cheating (serial cheaters). I’d say to work on one goal at a time for yourself and focus on yourself, not on him. The shift in your manner will be noticed by him.

One thing I have learned is to ‘let others be.’ Let him do what he is going to do. Do not try to stop it. He’ll be wondering why there is no resistance from you – and that WILL work in your favor.

It’s a big world out there – don’t forget !

Take care,

Mimi

Dear Mimi,

Two of my friends said the same thing. I do notice when I am doing my own thing he notices. When my phone rings he asks who is on the phone. I have to go with what you said.

Thank you,

–Sweetheart

Readers: you see – it’s absolutely true. When you take care of yourself – and stop focusing on what you can do to save him, help him, change him, cure him, or “make” him love you – you take on a completely different aura, and you throw the old ways of relating with him out of balance.

There is a book out there which I have not read yet, and I’m about to read it. When I do, I’ll review it for you. It’s been around for a while, and has held its own in the marketplace, so I’m assuming it’s good: it’s called “Men Made Easy.” Review of it coming soon – that’s a promise. The author, Kara Oh, recently revamped her website, and I like the new photos on it a lot. I emailed her recently and she’s super nice!! Those photos of Kara and her hubby don’t lie, so I think maybe her book works, hmmm? Well…I’ll let you know.

The interesting thing about Kara is that she is now 57 (and still attractive), so she has the benefit of life experiences to back up what she is writing about. She also lists her phone number in Santa Barbara on her website, which is completely unheard of in the relationship business.

Her website is: Men Made Easy.

Here’s what the author, Kara Oh, says:
“Whether you are single or married, been with him a long time or newly involved, having trouble or blissfully in love, Men Made Easy is your relationship survival guide, and your instruction manual for men, all rolled into one!”

Katie Lersch asked:

Even typing the title in this article brings back emotion in me. I know first hand that if you are reading this article, you probably feel a good bit of pain, confusion, frustration, and an overwhelmingly strong sense of betrayal. When your husband has an affair, you’re whole world, and the life you thought you knew, can feel like it is falling apart.

And, you wonder if you really knew your husband at all if he could do something like this and you could not know. When the same person who betrayed you in the worst possible way by cheating is then professing his love you for, and swearing that he still loves you, this can magnify the confusion and turmoil. This article is based on my own experience and research and will attempt to help you sort out the conflict and logic of your husband having an affair while still loving you.

Can You Believe That Your Husband Really Loves You Still, Even If He Had An Affair?: I struggled with this question for so long. It just didn’t make sense to me that my husband could actually love me and then betray me in that way. I could not imagine how you could supposedly love someone and then turn around and cheat on them. It took me a long time to even be receptive to researching and understanding why men cheat.

What I eventually learned was that often men cheating have little to do with their love for of commitment to their wife. It all boils down to poor impulse control and decision making or going about solving a problem or self esteem issue in an incredibly bad, and immature way.

I often have women tell me “my husband is not really sorry he cheated. He’s sorry he got caught.” I used to believe this too, and perhaps this is true for some husbands. But from what I have learned, I now firmly believe that most men are truly sorry for their actions and would do anything to take it back. Unfortunately, turning back the clock is just not possible, but there are some actions you can take to help bridge the gap.

What To Look For In A Husband Who Is Truly Sorry For The Affair And Still Loves His Wife: I believe that men who are truly remorseful for the affair and do still really love their wives often exhibit certain characteristics. These actions may not come as soon as the affair is revealed or is over, but they need to come eventually.

First, a husband should be willing to be completely honest about the affair. Not giving you the whole picture or withholding telling you what you need to know is once again exhibiting dishonest behavior. Some men hold back at first but are eventually convinced to come around here.

Second, the husband should understand how his actions and the affair have deeply hurt his wife and should be genuinely sorry. A husband who still loves his wife will not make excuses for the affair or blame the marriage or the wife for his own choice. A cheating husband needs to eventually take full responsibility for the affair and the decisions he made. Many husbands do not get to this point immediately, but many will come to this realization over time and through some work.

Third, the husband should be committed and willing to explore what lead up to the affair and work on fixing the problems so that this doesn’t happen again. Interestingly, I find that most cheating husbands are willing to do this. It is often the wife who is stuck here. The reason for this is that the wife is understandably not sure that she can trust her husband with her full and open heart. She is afraid that if she trusts him and allows herself to be vulnerable, he is going to shatter her heart when he does it again.

Finally, the husband should be willing to provide reassurance about his whereabouts and his feelings. Women whose husband have cheated on them will often have a huge blow dealt to their self esteem. We often wonder if the affair happened because we weren’t pretty or sexy enough or we weren’t young enough or a good enough wife. Therefore, we are going to need our husband to reassure us often.

Men will often say evasive things like “it’s not you, it’s me,” after they have an affair. These kind of elusive statements don’t help us. We need the husband to be specific with is feelings and to keep doing this. Because it just takes time for us to regain our trust and self esteem.

So, Should You Believe Your Husband And Give Him A Second Chance After An Affair?: This is a personal decision. But, I believe from my research and my personal experience that if your husband is exhibiting all of the things I listed above, is willing to take responsibility for the affair, is committed to saving the marriage, and has the patience support you and bear with you as you heal, he deserves a second chance.

I understand that it may feel almost impossible for you to trust and love your husband again, but with work, an open heart, and both parties being committed to doing what needs to be done, a marriage can not only survive an affair, but it can be stronger as the result. It’s important to use the affair as a wake up call as to what was wrong and could be improved in the marriage. Many couples (myself included) will tell you that their marriage is actually much stronger once they’ve done the work to heal from the affair.