Seeta Dean asked:
I often get emails from frustrated women who tell me that they know that their boyfriends or husbands had or are having an affair. However, despite confronting them with your suspicions, outlining how things just aren’t adding up, and sometimes even offering up proof, the men will often continue to lie or deny that anything is wrong. They’ll call you paranoid, they’ll get angry at your accusations, and sometimes, they will even threaten that your bugging them is actually going to drive them to an affair, but the bottom line is that they’ll continue to deny even though you know in your heart that you are right. In the following article, I’ll go over why men often will never admit to an affair (statistically, only 7% ever do so) and will tell you a few tactics to try to force his hand.
Why Most Men Will Continue To Deny An Affair Until They Are Caught Red Handed: I often get men who stumble upon my site looking for tips on how to reconcile with their wives or girlfriends after they are caught cheating. Many are quite honest with me about their intentions and how they were able to compartmentalize the cheating and their relationship and could separate the two.
Many of them are not in love with the other woman. They don’t intend for the affair to be a permanent thing. They don’t think that you will ever find out. And, they don’t want to hurt you. So, their doing whatever it takes to keep you from learning the truth is in their twisted logic their way of sparring you pain and their way of seeing this through without any one needing to get hurt.
I am not defending them in the least, but I believe that it helps to know what they are thinking so that you can counter it. Men often cheat because of what is going on with them, not because of what is going on with you. They are insecure, bored with themselves, or feeling insufficient in some way. They need to feel in control, valuable and worthy. They want to know that they can make someone deliriously happy.
Typically “the other woman” was merely in the right place at the right time. Many men do not intend to cheat when the affair happens. They don’t wake up in the morning thinking “OK, let me go and cheat today.” Instead, what happens is gradual. A subtle shift occurs and generally the contact is emotional before it is physical. Most people don’t believe this, but it is true. This is why sometimes the mistress is not nearly as attractive as the wife or girlfriend. It’s not all about sex. It’s about the mistress or other person’s ability to make him feel important and competent.
In all actuality, this says a lot about him as a person. He knows that this is pretty weak and sad. He doesn’t want to admit this to you. He doesn’t want to expose this weakness and vulnerability. So, he will keep right on denying, keep right on telling you that you’re being paranoid, until this thing ends and, he hopes, everything can go right back to being “normal.”
Forcing His Hand: In truth, most men will not admit to cheating until the evidence is so overwhelming that they can’t deny it or they are caught in the act. So, most times, your choices are often between these two options. Some women just can not bare the thought of catching their husband and boyfriend. They would much rather that he admit to it himself.
If this is how you feel, one option would be coming up with evidence and proof and then having a friend confront him. Have the friend present the evidence and then tell him that if he doesn’t tell you, she / he is going to. Once he realizes that you are going to find out either way, he’ll likely come clean.
What evidence do I mean? There are a lot of options. Almost all cheaters leave Internet and cell phone trails, even if they think they’ve deleted everything. There is no such thing as a perfect affair. The clue are always there. You just need to know where to look for them.